Metaphysical Mondays: In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust (Part I)

A few days ago, a good friend of mine posed three very good questions:

01. how does someone come to earn your trust?

02. how long do you need to get to know someone before letting them in on personal information about you?

03. once someone has earned your trust and becomes a trusted friend, what expectations and responsibilities to you and/or the friendship are important to you?

I, of course, had some answers of my own. Friendship is something I’ve thought on a lot over the years. As I moved into a more metaphysical mindset, I came to a handful of realizations. The first and most important is that Friendship–real Friendship–is just another one of the many forms Love takes. And Love is one of those things very tied up in the concepts of Trust and numerous metaphysical works.

And so, I responded:

Trust is one of those tricky things. There’s so much that goes into it and it comes in so many shades that there is no easy answer to any of the questions you ask.

The only person I ever need to trust is myself. Without that, everything else is a moot point. Without trusting yourself, it is difficult to know what trust feels like.

As such, there is no timetable that can be set for when others are “trusted” (whatever that means to you). As long as people aren’t obviously out to get me (again, a perception that can be skewed, misconstrued and tainted by a lot of factors both internal and external), I have nothing to hide. I have been just as open with complete strangers as I have been with old friends.

For me, it’s more about honesty and expectation. If you are honest with me, I will be honest with you. If I find you have lied to me, I will still be honest, but I will not expect you to be. That lessens the value of anything you tell me. Eventually, if that situation is not remedied or disproven, we probably won’t associate much.

I never expect anyone to live by my standards. I am open and honest with just about everyone out there (known or unknown).

If I feel I can trust you, it will not change what I tell you.

It will, however, change what I may ask of you.

For me, Trust isn’t about what I’ll let you know–it’s about what I’ll let you do for me. I’m willing to give just about anyone the benefit of the doubt when it comes to Trust and Friendship. There are some things, though, that I most certainly will not ask you to do if that Trust and that Friendship haven’t been proven in other circumstances.

I would give just about anything for people I consider my friends, but I would only ask to take from those I am closest to. That closeness comes not only from the temporal, but also the spiritual and mundane aspects of our relationship.

There are some people I knew I would click with as soon as I met them–sometimes as soon as I saw their name. Others I had to grow into a little over time. And many others had to get used to me before they would consider me a Friend. There are always awkward parts and learning curves and mistakes made that seem insurmountable at the time. But the trials pay off when you know, without even having to ask, that someone would do anything for you in the most dire of circumstances.

She built on my statement with more questions:

So, aside from sharing information with someone which one may or may not need to take care in who they divulge to… and those sort of situations

How do you approach situations when you are unsure, or have strong reason to suspect, or maybe you flat out know, if people have had foul, malicious, or misguided intentions toward you?

Do you just smile and pretend there’s nothing wrong and hope the situation neutralizes? continue to let these hurtful things happen? protect yourself and back off?

Do you find no need to protect yourself socially? do you find everyone to be benevolent?

I responded:

Here’s another one of the tricky things: You can never be completely sure of someone’s intentions until you have spent a great deal of time with them.

Right off the bat, there isn’t usually a whole lot of indication on any ulterior motives they may have (aside form the obvious like a sales person in a store or the smarmy bastard trying to buy you drinks at the bar).

Most people out there are pretty bland, lazy and banal–true maliciousness takes time, creativity and effort most won’t bother with.

From the majority of people, the things that can come across as mean usually aren’t done with the intent to be mean. Most of it stems from them just not thinking their words and actions through. Most people are kind of self-centered and short-sighted. And, strangely enough, most of the time they even mean well with those things that hurt.

In my 32 years I have met only a very small handful of people who were openly malicious toward me. None of them have been encountered since my first year in college.

I learned long ago that those few people who are downright mean are trying to exert power and influence over you. They are trying to take energy from you to make themselves bigger and badder. The best defense? Either don’t react to them. Another, more counter-intuitive way to defuse them is to willingly give them the energy they are trying to forcibly take from you. When they don’t get an actual fight, they are usually at a loss.

Both of those techniques require a very stable personal foundation and awareness of one’s connection to the Divine.

One of the canonical metaphysical laws is “Like attracts like.” When we can act honestly and securely in most aspects of our lives, we will draw to us circumstances that put us into contact with others of similar behavior. There will always be those circumstances when the Universe sees fit to test us. Not everything can be wine and roses, after all, because that leads to stagnation. And we can willingly–or sometimes subconsciously–put ourselves in situations antithetical to our own position. That is all part of walking a path of willing development.

Those who choose a more mundane–though equally important–path aren’t often troubled by concepts like that. They grow and develop, but it is either not on their own terms or it is in terms of sheer force of will. Some of the most self-determined people I’ve ever met have nary a whit of metaphysical interest in them. Some have worked very hard in the every-day world to be who and what they want to be. Others have survived circumstances that would lead many to question the existence of a benevolent god.

Most people on that mundane path, though, let themselves be bounced around by fate and circumstance. They don’t always see or understand the consequences of their actions. Often, they mean well but execute or explain poorly. Those of us who can see many consequences coming a mile away can very easily forget others don’t see quite as clearly. It becomes very easy to think that they mean us harm, regardless of what they say to the contrary.

To paraphrase another well known axiom: Never suppose malice where ignorance will do.

There was more conversation that happened in this vein, and much more to be said. But for now, I’ll let this bit plant its seeds and see what grows.