Meataphysical Monday: In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust (Part II)

Last time I spoke of a conversation a good friend and I had. That conversation was spurred by her asking three questions:

01. how does someone come to earn your trust?

02. how long do you need to get to know someone before letting them in on personal information about you?

03. once someone has earned your trust and becomes a trusted friend, what expectations and responsibilities to you and/or the friendship are important to you?

That lead us to some talk of how we draw relationships and situations to ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, based on our own inner states. “Like attracts like” is the general axiom occultists, magicians and metaphysicists use to explain that.

Those situations that are antithetical to our state and not knowingly chosen arise as tests to the stability of our state sent our way by the Universe or because some part of us draws us into it. They can be wonderful, though sometimes painful, chances to learn about ourselves.

I suggested that those few who are actually out to hurt us do so to bolster themselves. No matter the mundane explanations, the metaphysical ways are mostly about energy. The situation of a willing attack is no different. In The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield simplified it nicely by painting conflict in our interpersonal interactions as a contest to see who can take energy from the other or hold on to his or her own.

I proposed that most conflicts can be “won” by either keeping your energy to yourself (as in, don’t pay any attention to them) or willingly give them what they are trying to forcibly take. The latter suggestion is a bit counter-intuitive and the former isn’t always easy.

And so she asked:

You know, i know very little about the ways of the warrior, but when “not reacting” or “defusing by giving in” isn’t effective, it would seem that rendering them unable to continue to harm you seems the only way to salvage one’s sense of security and control.

Like in a fight, if someone is throwing punches and you keep blocking them, or maybe you let them punch you, they’re not going to stop. They’ll think they can continue and get away with it.

You have to disable them to defend yourself. Grab their arm and hold it behind their back. Sweep them to the ground. anything to make them stop.

This is not giving in and punching back. Fighting fire with fire is not what I am suggesting.

its pouring water on the fire that I’m talking about. And that’s the tricky part.

She does, indeed, ask good questions. I responded:

A fire that is not fed more fuel will burn itself out.

Many years ago I went to a community dance. It was during the summer and a good bunch of the people there were only summer residents, so I didn’t know most of them. Not many people I knew were there.

A couple of hours in, this dude starts in on my. “You dance like an idiot.” “You look like a moron.” Stuff like that. He gets all puffed up and in my face. Pushing. Posturing. Making a scene.

Needless to say, a crowd gathers, eager and willing to see a fight.

And so, not being interested in being pummeled, I do the first thing that occurs to me.

I agree with him. After all, I do look quite silly when I dance. Heck, it’s one of my selling points and excuses for why I don’t dance more. I smile and tell him “Y’know, you’re right. I do look like an idiot.”

And he persists. And I agree more. He pushes, I smile. He insults, I say “could be”.

The crowd loses interest. Those that don’t lose interest no longer want a fight, they want the dude to knock it off.

He gives up.

I win.

That strategy has worked more than once.

There are other ways. There are other methods. I’ll probably get into them at least a little when I post.

Also, without question, there are circumstances where there is a higher percentage chance of running in to people who are genuinely malicious. A different mindset then becomes required. What I’ve been talking about is in general and among the masses.

When we are secure in our connection with the Universe–either through hard earned practice or an instant of dumb luck and blind faith–we can give without fear of losing. Back when the above mentioned event happened, I was blessed with a combination of dumb luck and nascent realization of my connection with the Universe.

I very well could have been pummeled. But I wouldn’t have stayed down. I would have gotten back up, even if it was just to be beaten down again. I had nothing to lose (other than a tooth or two, I suppose) and everything to gain by standing what ground I had. (That’s a lesson I would later be reminded of when watching Cool Hand Luke, perhaps one of the better movies someone following The Way of the Fool can watch.)

We can only “lose” energy if it is a finite thing that can not be replenished. With a connection to the Universe, we can draw on its endless reserve to fill our empty flagons. Even without that connection running true and smooth, our own energy will regenerate over time.

There are many situations in our world where paranoia and aggressiveness are the norm. Again, sometimes we choose to enter those arenas and sometimes we stumble into them. What we generally consider the “high school” mentality is one such arena. Politics is another. There are, indeed, times when you will not be able to diffuse a situation.

She, of course, already knew this and said:

I can see that approach working, and I’ve avoided fights like that with similar strategy.

But if someone causing you harm–insulting you, mocking you, putting you down–is someone you see regularly… not a stranger… someone who’s supposed to be a “friend”…

Nothing works. They just keep laughing. No matter what you do. The more you sit there and take it, the more it entertains them.

Some people are sociopaths. Whether they are doing so to make themselves feel better or whatever deep-seated psychological motivation they may have, the fact is, they are harming you, and they need to be corrected.

That, of course, brought about a distinct twist of the discussion. It is a distinctly darker twist than many on a spiritual path often go down, but it is a fact of life in this shared reality.

I will focus on that more in the next part.