Metaphysical Monday: In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust (Part IV)

It all started nearly a month ago when a friend of mine posed the questions:

01. how does someone come to earn your trust?

02. how long do you need to get to know someone before letting them in on personal information about you?

03. once someone has earned your trust and becomes a trusted friend, what expectations and responsibilities to you and/or the friendship are important to you?

She was deeply contemplating things and her contemplation spurred a brief yet far-ranging discussion between her and I that I have expanded on here. We talked about how we draw relationships to ourselves. We talked about how relationships are learning experiences and how they often get better the more comfortable we are with ourselves. We talked about the challenges inherent in dealing with others and how there is often conflict to test us and teach us.

Most recently, I brought up the idea that we sometimes have to “get our hands dirty” and delve into darker realms to meet force with force. How we have to risk Karmic retribution in order to do what we believe must be done.

There is no question that the world is a violent place. The more in the world it you are, the more likely you are to see that violence first-hand. The more you are willing to risk, the more you are likely to gain. As long as those risks are not haphazard, at least.

It is that risk–that chance that you may be injured or destroyed while progressing along your path–that brings us full circle back to the ideas of Friendship, Openness and Trust.
One of the most counter-intuitive ideas in the spiritual growth process is that sometimes you need to be destroyed in order to grow.

As we go through life, we build constructs around ourselves. We create patterns of thought and action. We build walls to protect us from pain. We grow callouses from the constant irritation caused by the conflict between the spiritual and the mundane.

All of those things can get in the way of our progress. If we do not realize they are there, we can exacerbate the situation by constantly running into them and being set back in our goals. This is a very common problem in the world at large.

If we realize they are there, we can act to change them or find ways to work around or with them. But some things are not easy to see.

Some things, you can’t see because you are too close to them–not being able to see the forest through the trees. Some things we can’t see because accepting them would be too much of a blow to our sense of what is–taking responsibility for my own bad decisions could very well mess up our view of myself as being on top of things. Some things are just beyond our ability to see without help–you can not look at the back of your own head without a mirror.

This is where the people around us come in.

We have already established that we have some power over who enters our life. This becomes all the more important when we realize that the people around us are one of the biggest keys to our own development. We can just as easily be catapulted up and forward as we can be held back and dragged down.

The people we surround ourselves with serve as both mirrors and challengers. As mirrors, they show us a reflection of what we value and how we live our lives. As challengers, they either excel in areas and make us want to keep up with them or need help in areas where we can lend a hand. Both mirrors and challengers help us learn about ourselves and grow.

But mirrors can only reflect what is put in front of them and challengers are useless unless engaged.

It is at this point that the concept of openness comes in to play. The more open we are–with ourselves and with those around us–the better they will reflect and challenge us.

In other words, the more we hide, the less we can see.

Taken in the context of the ever-popular Johari Window, the Unknown quadrant of ourselves is related very heavily to the Facade and Arena quadrants. The Blind Spot quadrant can be reduced by paying very close attention to the people around us–they often see more than we think they do and the Universal law of “Like Attracts Like” is insidiously sneaky when it comes to presenting us with mirrors of ourselves.

There are few reason why we would not let things we know about ourselves be known to those around us. The big reason is fear. We are afraid to open up because it makes us vulnerable. The more people know about is, the deeper they will be able to stab through our armor if they choose to do so. The more people know about us, the more they will be able to predict what we will do and can more more easily beat us to it. The more people know about us, the more they can tell others about us, opening us even wider to attack and competition.

All of that is true. But it is also true that the more we open ourselves to others, the more they can help us and the more we can help ourselves.

It is risky. And it can hurt.

It can even destroy us.

Or, at least, destroy the “us” we are now.

But is that always a bad thing?

If we have shackled ourselves with limiting patterns and walls of protection and calluses that we can feel nothing through, how are we to move forward without destroying all those things? How are we to grow without out-growing who we are now? How are we to embrace the future without letting go of the past?

It is not possible to have it both ways. We can not both grow and stay the same.

John Shedd said, “A ship is safe in a harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.”

The same is true of us.

Yes, we can be safe. But if you want to be safe, a path of growth is not for you.

A spiritual path of deep development is not easy, painless or smooth. Once you embark on it, you invite danger and hardship into your life.

Why? Because the risks are proportional to the rewards.

The same is true of Friendship.

Love is one of the underpinning powers of the Universe. Friendship–real Friendship–is another form of Love. It is one of those things that give back at least as much as we put in to it–if not more. And while it is true that Friendships sometimes run their course, the impact of those Friendships stays with all involved until the day they die. (And, perhaps, even longer.)

But what if we choose poorly? What if those people we think are our Friends, aren’t? What if we never choose the right people as friends?

If you choose poorly, it is because you are not being honest with yourself or because you are being tested. When we see Friendship where it is not, we are giving in to an illusion. When that illusion is dispelled–when we become truly dis-illusioned–we must look at the reality and try to see they why behind it.

What–aside from “people can be mean”–did we learn about our selves from the relationship? What–aside from an easy target–did we give those others that have hurt us? Do not get caught up in the negative. Reach for the positive lessons learned. They are often far harder to discern and, as such, more important to hold on to.

Fear again plays a role in keeping us from giving. We fear being hurt, and so we do not give. We do not leave our harbor.

Faith is another key component of a spiritual path. Without Faith–without knowing deep in your heart and soul that there is something larger than us out there–there is no reason to seek out deeper knowledge, no reason to challenge ourselves in that particular arena.

Trust is a descendant of Faith. Trust is Faith tempered by experience.

Trust is what we must have in ourselves. We must Trust that we are built strong enough to survive some rough seas. We must Trust that we are capable of growing and changing and adapting. We must Trust that, after enough work, we will get it right–we will be able to find those elusive Friends.

And when we do find them, we must extend that internal Trust to them. If we do not do that, there is less chance of them returning it.

Faith and Love share the same root–the deepest core of the Universe itself. Trust and Friendship can be traced back, too.

Friendship is the most common magickal working you will ever be involved in. It requires work and preparation. It requires Will and determination. It requires the projection of Love and Trust.

In some traditions, when an Initiate first declares themselves, they must pledge to enter the sanctuary in perfect Love and with perfect Trust. They must place themselves in the hands of their fellows and believe deeply that any pain will be necessary and the benefits gained will far outweigh the price paid.

In our everyday lives, we should look at our Friends the same way.

Because in this violent and ever-changing world, there is nothing more valuable than a good Friend to watch your back. That one person is worth a hundred (or more) failed attempts.